We are all guilty of focusing on ourselves more than we do others. Although there is an exception, and that is if you are a mom. In that case you don't seem to have a choice other than focus on your kids and not yourself. They tend to demand your time and attention. But I digress because that's a whole other topic of discussion.
Human nature is that we focus on our personal needs due to the act of survival. With that being said, our acts of survival now are not the same as they once were, at least for those of us living in a 1st world country. We have many luxuries or conveniences that help us provide for ourselves a lot easier, hence survival is no longer viewed the same way.
So why are we so self consumed? Why are we not more attentive to others and their needs? Especially if we are speaking of those that we love. I touched on this briefly in my book. It's the concept that we tend to treat those that are not members of our family better than those that are members of our family. The question is why? We supposedly love those that are apart of our family yet, we don't show or express it the same as we would to a non family member. I know that there is that element that we are taught to be kind and friendly to other people and to show respect to our elders. But why not extend that to our own family members?
Society and technology have changed dramatically over the past two decades. We are becoming more self absorbed within our own little world and pushing people away rather than drawing them in. As a species, we need interaction with other people to grow, feel acceptance and be happy. Personal interaction will always be better than virtual when it comes to meeting our needs physically, emotionally and psychologically.
Personal interaction with others is a key part of how we feel love, acceptance, validation and happiness. Without it we become withdrawn and introverted. This creates a harmful cycle of depression, and loneliness that then leads to feeling unwanted. Darkness grows and you start to give up if you are not able to get back into the light and start feeling the warmth which it brings. Through that love and happiness you feel what personal attention can give you.
The personal relationship that we need to cultivate the most is the one with our significant others. We should not be placing anything else above the one that we are suppose to love the most. The only thing that is suppose to have a higher place than your spouse is God! So why is it that we find ways to place other things in our lives before our spouse? Men are guiltier than women are in doing this. They will place Work, School, Friends, Co-workers and other activities in front of their wives. Many time they will justify that they have to do it to provide for them and their families, or that that they need some personal time to do whatever. The problem is they are creating a larger problem by doing this.
Women were created to be a companion to men. They are to be our partners, our equals through out life and the eternities. We find women that we want to open up to, spent time with and even build a family with. So why do men turn their backs on them? I don't have the answers to why they do this, but I can tell you what they need to start doing.
Women want to be apart of a mans life. If not they would never agree to marry you. Women want to feel loved, confided in, and apart of your world. They want to know that you want them apart of your world too. It makes no sense to bring her into your world just to push her away later. Bring her in and keep her there. Share the good times and the bad times of your day with her. Send her a text or note during the day letting her know that you are thinking about her. Invite her to lunch when you can. If she likes going to a sporting events take her. If she likes doing things outdoors then take her. Whatever you can include your wife in on do it! Maybe you will have to introduce her to new things that you can do together. But find ways to be together, and not push her away.
Your wife wants to know that she matters to you and that she is apart of your world no matter what it is you are going through. Allow her to be apart of your world, because you may just need her in it more than you think! Don't blow her off to go golfing, fishing, or to a ball game because you feel that she is not interested. It is ok to go do these things, but you just need to communicate with her so that you are on the same page. She might want to join you.
You wife loves you, make her a greater part of your life and you both with be happy and have a better relationship in the long run. She is apart of you, let her know that she matters to you!