Holiday Gifts

Tis the season of happiness and sometimes dred. I say this because the Holiday’s are suppose to be that time of year when everyone is a little Nicer, Kinder and More Giving. Yet when it comes down to actually having to get your significant other a gift Fear, Doubt and Anxiety tend to take over, making the Happy Holidays not so happy.

I think if we were to plan a little better in how we prepare going into the holiday season that these feelings just might go away and help the season be a happy one. What are some of the things that you guys do you help make gift giving for your significant other easier? Some of the things that I have either done or thought of are, Have your significant other make you a list. Be more attentive through the year by listening to things that they say they need or want. In doing this you can make notes on your phone as a reminder when it’s time. Perhaps you can talk with their friends or family that they are close to. You would think that they would know something right? If you get desperate, reach out to your children if you have them!

The one thing that you really don’t want to do is go out and start walking the stores aimlessly looking around trying to see if you can find something that they want. Doing that is going to end up two ways. They will either take it back, not use it, or be upset with you all together for not knowing what they would like or want. Then you have a whole other problem on your hands. Can you feel them looking at you right now with anger? So let’s avoid looking like an idiot this year, and start doing some sleuthing.

It’s always better to ask for help than it is to look like a fool. Men we don’t want to fall into that stern type about men not asking for directions when they are lost do we? This is pretty much the same thing. You can do it however you want, Sly & Subtle or Blunt as a Spoon. Either way it will be better then guessing and walking the stores aimlessly!

Ladies, you are not off the hook either. Women can be just as guilty of not being prepared with giving a thoughtful gift or waiting till the last minute to figure it out. So let’s give each other the courtesy of taking the time and true thought of what they other person would like. It does not have to be an extravagant gift, but something that will be meaningful to them. Doing this shows them that you actually do care about them rather than it being an after thought. That is what will make make or break your gift. Not how big or small it is, and not how expensive it is. Only that you cared enough to pay attention and get them something they actually want.

Merry Christmas and Good Luck!

Money

Money, the necessary evil in our world. The creator of both good and evil within our societal world. How crazy is it that this one thing has so much power over us. It both creates and destroys lives in a matter of an instant. Yet it is not a living thing, but an inanimate object that we have given power to.

Let’s add this powerful tool to a complex relationship between two people. Two people that have just come together as a married couple. Before they were on their own to manage this powerful tool and now they have to work together to manage it. Dun Dun Dun! How does this work? Do you continue to live separate financial lives? Do you pool your resources and work together, or does one person take full control of the finances? This is the conundrum that couples face once they get married.

Obviously you would think that you pool your money and work together as couples should. But that is not always the case. There are different dynamics out there within the construct of who has what when it comes to money. Meaning, everyone does not make they same amount of money in any given relationship. This goes either way, the man could be making more or the woman cold be making more. Depending on how they feel about that, may dictate how you structure the use of your money as a couple.

The one thing that really needs to matter, is that you are both comfortable with whatever decision you make in managing your money. If not there will always be resentment and issues between you. Either party needs not to be insecure or jealous of what the other makes. This will just add to problems that you do not need within your relationship. Do you know that money is one of the top 3 reasons marriages fail? Really? I can totally understand why in some circumstances, and I am sure that the reason for each money driven divorce is the same. But money should not be a reason that a relationships fails. The spending habits should have been considered prior to the relationship getting to the Marriage Stage! Just my opinion. I also believe that if you are that passionate about your finances that maybe it should be a topic of discussion before you get married. Having a wedge between you is not anything anyone wants in a relationship.

In the end, money is the means in which we are able to provide for what we need in life. We need to learn how to use what we have the best way that is not going to cause problems within the relationship! Money only has the amount of power that you give it. Learn to manage you money rather than your money managing you.

Let’s strive to have happier relationships without money playing too big of a role! The focus should be on what each of you bring to the relationship. Not what factor money plays in how you have a relationship. If you are in the relationship for money, you are in it for the wrong reason. Money can disappear at the drop of a hat!

Quality Time

Time. What does it mean to you? How does it affect you? How do you measure it? These are all questions that will be answered differently depending on the person you ask.

Time means different things to different people. I find this occurs depending on what one does with their time. Meaning, depending on the type of life they live, the way they look at time differs. To most business people time is money. To someone on a spiritual path, time is infinite and meaningless. To others time is precious moments captured within a measured space. How do you see time?

With the way you view time, how does time affect you? Are you relaxed and easy going just seeing time a just moments in a day? Or are you high stressed and every minute counts or heads will roll if time is wasted? Maybe you are like many where you are somewhere in the middle pending on the situation that you are in at any given time. I believe that that’s where I fit in.

The term Quality Time, is something that I believe is universal to all. Yet how we go about having Quality Time is not. For most Quality Time is time that we are able to spend with loved ones in meaningful experiences to help create a bond. How it differs is, what one does with or for that quality time. For some it simply means to sit next to their loved ones while watching a show together. Others is going to be out on some wilderness adventure seeing new things. Where others may be working on a craft, baking, building, sewing, or working on a car or piece of equipment.

I think what matters most when it comes to Quality Time, is that you are taking the time to have Quality Time with then ones that you love. Sometimes that is together as a family and sometimes that needs to be on an individual basis. Such as going on a date with you significant other or doing something alone with your children. These moments are special and important in more ways than you can imagine. Relationships can literally rise and fall based upon the amount of Quality Time you spend with those you love. I believe that the more Quality Time we spend with our families, the stronger our families are. The strength of the bond we will have with our significant other is beyond measure. Especially if your significant other’s Love Language is Quality Time! I know this because both my wife and my daughter’s Love Language is Quality Time. I feel the effects of when I have neglected them for too long.

No matter how you view time in your world, you need to find and make time to have Quality Time with those you love! I promise you, that by doing this you will see positive affects within your relationships.

Porn - What & Why

I don’t know when people started watching other people be intimate. I don’t know why people started watching other people be intimate. What I do know, is that it is a multi-million dollar industry that has consumed society. We are inundated with it on the internet. People are consumed by it, marriages are broken because of it, and people have addictions which leads to therapy because of it.

My first question is. “What is Porn?” It’s plain and simple two things. The literal being sex, in every shape and form imaginable. The second, a money making machine. There are many forms of this industry and it seems as though people, I believe primarily that being men, cannot get enough of it. It ranges from photography, dancing, film to phone conversations and for women, steamy novels like 50 Shades of Grey. Like I said, it is everywhere.

My second question is. “Why?” Why was this intimate act between two people placed on stage for others to view? Why do women subject themselves to these acts? Why as a society are we ok with it?

I am sure that I know the answers to all of these questions, but it still does not answer my Deep Down question to WHY? To me, this industry is apart of an underlying problem that many people are consumed by and feed off one another. It’s a vicious cycle really. The sad thing is, I believe that those apart of this have some form of self worth issues, and those banking off it, are counting on it and running to the bank because of it.

Think about it. There are those that crave attention, need validation, want some form or worth but never got it. Or maybe they did and but need to continue getting it. Then you have those that never got the time of day and have been alone their entire life, and need some forma of love, satisfaction, release. The you have those that are controlling and feel that they need to dominate any situation and feed off of that power. Then there are those that have been traumatized, when they were younger and it has mentally affected them to where they act out.

There are all kinds of scenarios that can play out to why this industry exists. The question, that I have now is, “Does it affect you or your relationship with another person?”

Porn has a very powerful affect on people. People get consumed by it and don’t know how to live their lives without it. So much that it destroys families, and even the individuals themselves.

If this is apart of your life, I would suggest that you take a step back and evaluate what kind of role that it has in your life. Do you or a loved one have any issues with it. Is it affecting your life, relationship? Are you needing to seek help?

If you don’t have porn in your life. I would advise not to let it in. There are many ways that you can express yourself, and find excitement without seeking out this dark world. Many will say it is harmless. But is it really? The question I would ask them is would you be apart of that world or want to see any of your family members in it? Their answers might change.

I hope that if you are apart of this lifestyle that you have a happy and healthy relationship. Relationships are a very intimate thing that should be valued very highly. If you don’t, I would consider re-evaluating what you do have and if any changes need to be made.

What Do You Want to Hear About?

The great thing about blogs is that you can write about any topic you would like. The hard thing about doing that is writing about what people want to hear or engage in. So This weeks blog is simply asking you the follows, “What do you want to hear about or discuss?”

I have covered a broad range of topics that we need to think about or focus on. I have more that I can still write about, but I would like to hear back from you and what topics you would like to hear more about.

Here are future topics that I will be covering.

• Depression

• Porn

• Money

• Kids

• Quality Time

• Supporting Your Support

Let me know what other tops that you want to hear about.

Thank you everyone for following and for your support!

Love Languages

Have you heard of the 5 Love Languages before? If you have, do you know what your love language is? If you haven’t, this is a great time to learn. If you have not heard of the 5 Love Languages or if you have but don’t know what yours is or how it really affects you. You are about to have your mind blown!

I did not know about love languages until about 6-8 years ago. The funny thing is, is that I learned about them in a business meeting, where someone was sharing how you can use the 5 love languages in your business! I took the test to see what my love language was, then I took the test to my wife and had her take it. Let me tell you that it has totally opened my eyes to how people are affected in each relationship they are in!

My mind was blown when I got the results of my wife’s test. It totally made sense to me as to why she felt and reacted the way she had for the time that we were married previously. I didn't know the affect that this was having on our relationship until we took the test and our eyes were opened. You gain a better understanding to how your partner is affected and reacts to different aspects of your relationship by the way you express love to them. Each person has a different way that they want you to show them love.

I learned that my wife was all about “Quality Time” together. Which made total sense of why we were having some of the issues we were in our relationship. From the time that we got married to that moment I was always gone. I’ll explain, it was not that I was always leaving her alone to go do my own thing. I was always gone working. I continuously had multiple jobs which prevented me from being home with my wife. Her Love Language is “Quality Time” Something that I was not giving her being gone all the time working.

Now that I knew what her Love Language was, I was able to make some adjustments to how and when I did things to help her get that Quality Time. For a period of time, it was still not as much as she would like, but it was better. I can happily say, I only have one job now and that we are spending a lot more time together, which has made a world of difference in our relationship. It’s crazy to think that there is such a thing, but there is.

If you do not know your Love Language or the Love Language of your significant other, I would suggest that you check out this website and take the test. It will help you have a better relationship once you know what drives your love. Have a better relationship. Learn what makes you and your partner tick!

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

You can also have your kids take a test, to help you better understand how to affectively show them love in their language.

Trust

Question: Are you building a Relationship of Trust?

This is a topic that has come up recently and it got me thinking. With all that is going on in society and the world it seems like we are losing our way with so many vital attributes that are important to having a successful relationship.

Trust is probably the most important of all the attributes that one can have within in a relationship, for without it, you truly have nothing as a foundation to build your relationship on. No one is wanting to be apart of any kind of relationship if there is not trust!

That’s what brings me to this question. What are you doing to build trust within your relationship? Are you doing the things you say you will? Are you sneaking around seeing other people. Are you upfront about all that you do? Do you hide things from your significant other?

Obviously honesty is huge! If you cannot be honest in all that you do with your significant other then you already have problems. What about not doing things that will hurt or damage the relationship. We all have been taught right from wrong and you know how you want to be treated, so make sure that you don’t do things that will hurt the others person trust. Perhaps proving your trust when opportunities arise, rather than allowing it to be put into question. For Every action there is a equal and opposite reaction.

We are given opportunities every single day in life to be honest and true. In doing so our trust is being tested. Be that it is at work, with friends, family or our significant other. We are placed into situations that we need to decide how and what we are going to do and we need to realize that everyone of our actions has a re-action pending on what it is. We need to think if what we are doing will affect anyone else. We can’t be selfish when we are in a relationship.

Trust takes a long time to build and gain with in any relationship. These days it is only getting harder to gain someones trust. Too many people are getting burned or lied to, cheated on, or straight up deceived! You cannot expect to do any of this if you are wanting a true long term relationship with anyone.

Remember the Golden Rule “Treat others the way that you want others to treat you.” If we all do this, we should have both happy and successful relationships built on trust.

Learn From Your Past

There is an analogy saying that we don’t drive a car by looking in our rearview mirrors, but through the windshield at what is in front of us, not behind us. This is so true on so many levels. Although, we do have to know and understand our past in order to move forward successfully!

No matter our experiences we can always learn something from things we have done in the past. Be that it was something good or something bad. That is the beauty of the human mind. We have the ability to assess what happened and learn from it so that we can use that information to move forward. The only hitch to the whole thing is, we have to actually do it. We have to look at what we have done, and actually learn from it. We can’t just ignore what we have done as though it never happened. That does not do anyone any good in trying to make something better.

Learning from our past can be applied to many scenarios. It could be from playing sports, a traveling adventure, a work incident, a driving close call, a conversation we had with one of our children, and for this case a relationship or more that we have had. Looking in the rearview mirror at the right time can actually help prevent another disaster. For example, I have made it a practice of mine that while I am driving on the freeway, I try to keep an awareness of those around me. Especially when traffic gets thick. The reason I do this is to know where my outs are if I have to make a defensive maneuver. An example of what I do in these cases that has helped me is while I am driving, as soon as people start locking up their brakes in front of me, I am taking a quick peek in my rear view mirror to see how close the person behind me is that I may try to adjust what I am doing to prevent an accident from happening that involves me. Do so allows me to either slow down sooner, faster, move to another lane, or prepare for the worst. Like I said, I am not driving looking through my rear view mirror, but I am glancing back to make sure that everything is ok, and if not it helps me to make a change.

Just as we need to glance back in our rear view mirrors to assess and avoid danger while driving. We need to glance back in our lives every once in awhile to assess what has happened and possibly make a course change to avoid the dangers that may affect us. Those dangers could be anything from things we have said to choices that we have made, or the lack thereof as well. We all have done things that we regret in our lives, be that they are great or small. In doing so we can learn from those things and become better so that we don’t do it again.

Just as we have done bad things, we have also done good things that can help us. Looking back is not always about reflecting on the bad, but we need to remember the good that we have done and build on it, so that we can be happy and not weighted down by our mistakes. It’s too easy to remember the bad in our lives, and the lives of others. We need to try and remember the good things so that we can be uplifted as well as lift up others with the good things they have done to help them as well.

Remember that we can learn from everything that we do, and that it does not always have to be bad. To have a happy and healthy relationship, we just need to continuously work at it. Embracing both the good and the bad so that we may learn from it in order to have a better relationship moving forward.

Don't Compare Yourself to Others

In our day and age, most everyone is on some form of social media. Social media has changed the how everyone now views the world. Before social media our sphere of influence was small and localized to those around us, the TV and printed media. Now it is instantaneous streaming at a few clicks of our keyboards, and we can pretty much find anything we want. This is truly awesome if you think about it! It has changed how we live, learn, and interact with each other. But that is both good and bad!

Good because we are able to gain knowledge faster than ever, bad because now that knowledge may be false. Good because it is easier to find information rather than having to drudge through a library book. Bad, because we are becoming reliant upon it and losing skills that make us better. Good because we are able to stay in touch with friends and family more than ever before, Bad because now we easily offend one another, and lose some relationships over it.

The human race has always been the same through out the ages. The only thing that truly changed is the technology that we have and how we have used it. Humans are full of many different traits and attributes. Some that we are born with and some that are learned. Some of these can be damaging, such as Pride, Envy, Lust, Wrath, Jealousy, Fear, Doubt, and others that pit us against both ourselves as well as others. These attributes can be crippling to you when it comes to being in a relationship.

When you are in a relationship and you have these types of attributes, you are always looking over your shoulder. What I mean is, you are always comparing either yourself or the one you are with, to someone else. That being you individually or other couples. This is a very damaging place to be, if you are allowing it to affect you negatively. Now if you are looking to others as to what you would like to be and you are striving to become like that in a healthy way then we are good. But if you are constantly comparing yourself to others and it is interfering with how your relationship is going, then we have a problem. This road is only going to find unhappiness and misery for you and your relationship.

When we start comparing ourselves to others as a form of measuring our worth or status, we have allowed ourselves to be taken over by the evils of the world. These evils are real and they are there to destroy us. They are forces that want us to be unhappy and miserable. We need not allow these forces to take hold of us. We are all meant to be happy, but we have to do it the way we know how. Not the way someone else does. We are all different individuals that have different means and desires, along with interested and skill sets. Just because someone does and has something you do not does not mean that they are any better or worse than you. They are just in another place.

Find the things that make you happy, enjoy the things you have. Make yourself the best you, you can. Know that if you are doing your best, that you are loved and enjoyed because of who you are and what you have to offer. You are not meant to be the other person or couple. Don’t compare yourself to others, because once you do you start to travel a slipper slop of unhappiness, which will only lead to more unhappiness!

Let Her Into Your Space

We all have things that we are into. Be that it is sports, hobbies, hunting, fishing, crafting or whatever. There are things that we do that we enjoy that help us live and be happy. Some of these things are engrained into us from childhood, and some were acquired later in life. Never the less, these places and spaces that we have created become ours and sometimes they are hard to share.

We all have places and things that are special to us. Sometimes these places are so special to us that we do not want others to know about them, let alone share them with anyone else. For many this is a good thing, because it is something that most of us use as a release or get away from the world and our troubles. It can also be the cause of some problems when it comes to a relationship.

When getting involved with another person, it means that we are going to share our world with them and have them become apart of ours. But in some cases this is a difficult thing to do. Sometimes we become so accustomed to having this time and space to ourselves that we do not want to share it. Many times we feel that it will be ruined if we share it with others. Maybe it’s because we feel that they won’t understand, or that they will not have the same feelings about it as you do, or that they will want to change it. These are all legit concerns, and it does happen. But that is not the case for most.

The beauty of being in a relationship is that you now have someone that you can share your world with. Hopefully you are with someone that has some of the same interests as you or that they are open to trying new things. Sharing the things that are special to us is not a bad thing, It’s actually a very good thing for a relationship. It’s good because we are willing to open up and show the other person that we are willing to let them into our space, our world. It’s the unselfish thing to do in a relationship. We can’t have a healthy relationship if we are closing portions of ourselves off.

Let her into your space, let her see everything about you. Let her know about the real you. Let her feel apart of your world, your likes, your dreams, your fears, your goals. Whatever space you have created, let her into it. If you have a love for a particular hobby or sport, invite her to join you. If you have a group of friends that you hang out with, invite her to hang out. If you like to travel, taker her with you. Do these things should only bring you closer together. If they don’t, then maybe you don’t do them together anymore, or you are not in the right relationship.

Doing this is one of the best ways to really get to know some one, and to grow your relationship. Couples are stronger when they open up and share their true selfs with one another. The only way to have to true happiness is to be open and honest. Let her into your space, and find true happiness.

Stop Looking

Face it, we have all been guilty of it at one time or another. Some more often that others, but we have all done it and probably will continue to do it. It’s our carnal nature to do so. Men have a wandering eye that is always on the lookout for something. For some it may be cars, for others it’s clothing and accessories, some pieces of art. But for most it is the female form.

In most circumstances it is not a big deal, because let’s face it women do it too. They may not talk about it as much as men or at least with in a public setting, but they do it too. Most of the time we look and admire from afar and it’s not big deal. The problems start when you are committed in a relationship especially marriage and it becomes more than just looking. It’s not that you allow you eyes to wander, that’s a given, it’s when you start to act after the look.

Like I said we all look, but if we are committed, we probably should not be acting on what we are looking at. There is more than one way of acting, just to clarify. The first act is the thought! If you start to have carnal thoughts for someone that you are not committed to, you need to do something quick! You either need to quickly change what you are doing to avoid these thoughts, or you are needing to evaluate the relationship you are in currently. If you are in a good relationship you would simply admire the form you are looking at and not have any thoughts of acting upon it. It’s respectful to both the person you are with and it’s respectful to the person that you are admiring.

Beyond think about another person is to physically act upon the thoughts that you are having. You have now moved into the begning stages of cheating or committing adultery. Neither one of these is a good place to be in if you are in a committed relationship. This is why I have the phrase, Stop Looking for the BBD! No I do not want you to stop looking for Bel Biv Devo. You can look for them. Although they did say it best in their song “ Poison” . The BBD refers to the Bigger, Better Deal. If the person you are with is everything that you wanted and you have it, stop looking at other people! There is no reason to step over dollars to pick up quarters! You have a fantastic person in your life, start recognizing that and nurture the relationship.

There are too many people in good relationships that ruin them by looking for the BBD. If you don’t want to be committed to someone then don’t get into a committed relationship! Stay single and play the field. Because if you are looking around for the BBD, then that’s what you are doing. Stop torturing the person you are with by wasting their time and playing games with both their mind and heart. They deserve better and you should not be in a relationship if that is what you are doing.

Something to think about. Just because something looks good on the surface does not mean that it is not ugly on the inside. Maybe the grass that is greener on the other side is actually fertilized by manure. Maybe what you are looking at is a bag full of crazy. You never know what you are going to get in this world today. Hold on to what you have and make it the best that you can. It’s hard to find the right person these days. So when you do, hold on to them tight.

Love who you are with, show them you love them, tell them you love them, and Stop Looking!

The Little Things

Relationships are funny things.  We think we know how to be successful in them, yet many of us seem to fail.  Why?  Maybe it's because we don't pay enough attention to the details.  No matter the relationship, be that it's a friend, co-worker, family member or spouse.  The little things within the relationship are what makes it successful.

Just because we are providing the essentials of the relationship does not mean that we are nuturing the relationship in being a healthy, successful one.  Many of us believe that if we just do our part, (whatever that may be) that we will be ok and everyone will be happy.  Well... that is not exactly true.  Everyone's idea of their part may be different from the other person and in doing so, things get lost in translation.  What one person expects may differ from another, and that is where things begin to crumble for a long term relationship.

The basic needs in life are Shelter, Food, Water and Love.  Many of us strive everyday to provide the first three to the best of our ability.  Where we fall short is in the forth.  Love.  Love is a difficult thing at times.  Which is funny because when we are starting out in a relationship, you pretty much throw up on the other person with all the love you have for them.  But as time goes on it begins to decrease and sometimes disappears all together.  Why does this happen?

I believe it is because we forget to do all the little things that help make your relationship special. Every person is different in how they do it even though we may do some of the same things.  But it, whatever it is, is that little something that makes you special to the person you love.  What I am referring to are the Little Things.  The Notes, The Flowers, The Text Messages, The Treats, The Special Dinners, Dates, Surprises and whatever other creative fun and spontaneous thing you did. Some of the Little Things that you don't think about that are little but Huge at the same time are things like Doing Dishes, Cleaning The House, Watching the Kids, Making the Bed, Running Errands, Taking the Kids to Their Events, Vacuuming, Doing Laundry and Cooking dinner just to name a few.  These are appreciated even more if you do them without having to be asked to do them!

We all have things that we appreciate and love having done for us that make us feel special and loved.  So think about how you want to be treated and what would make you happy, then turn around and do the same for the one that you love.  You will see your relationship both grow and strengthen by doing just the little things in life.  

This goes both ways ladies.  You are not off the hook.  To have a happy and successful relationship both parties need to give what they can to make it work!  Remember that you loved each other and still do.  All you have to do is not forget to express it.

Are you Chivalrous

With our ever changing society, our traditions have also been changing.  Many of the things generations before us were taught to do as they were growing up have either been forgotten or  have lost their meaning.  Some of those things they were taught are on the brink of extinction.

With the rise in women's independence and a greater role in the work place and powerful positions, we are seeing a decline in the way women have been treated.  This is both good and bad.  The good is obvious, better job positions, better pay, more power, a larger voice in what and how things are done, and they are becoming a bigger figure in the world of role models.  Although the bad part of all of this, is that we are losing some of the traditional manners of showing respect.

This blame is placed on both parties.  With the rise of independence and power with women also comes more pride.  This is not a bad thing, but as we all know, too much pride can hurt an individual as well.  With that being said, men are still the main contributing culprits to the lack of respect being shown in the traditional sense.  This being two fold.  Either they were not taught how to treat a woman correctly, or they simply don't care to or they are lazy!  I am hoping that it's because they were not taught to.  Some of the generation long traditions simply start to die off for some reason as generations go by.  I would like to change that.

Men still need to find as many ways possible to show women respect and love.  This can be done in simple everyday acts of kindness.  Some of the things we can do are simply to open doors for women, no matter their age.  Yes, some people still do this today, but it is starting to fall away.  Acknowledge a woman as she enters the room.  This can be a little hard, but can still be done.  Give a lady your coat, jacket or offer her something to keep her warm when it is chilly outside.  When walking down the road, protect her by walking on the street side as if to block her from danger.  When opportunities arise, offer to assist them with something to ease their burden.  Pull out chairs and assist them to a table.  Give them compliments when appropriate.  Women make efforts to look good and smell good, let them know that you notice.  

These are just some of the things and there are more that you can do to acknowledge and show respect to the women you encounter day to day.  These acts will not go un-noticed by those that you do this for.  Kindness goes along way in the day and age.  Remember that you attract more bees with honey.

Now ladies, you need to allow men to do these things for you.  There is also a trend going on where women are not allowing men to do these things for them, because they are proud independent women that don't need men doing things for them.  Understood but, you need to allow them to show you respect, and doing these littles things are a stepping stone to doing the greater things that you are wanting.

Be kind to each other, love each other, and this world can be a happier, friendlier and better place to live.

Listen

Have you ever been caught not paying attention or spacing off when someone is talking to you?  I am sure that we have all been in that situation at one time or another for whatever reason.  Men have been constantly stereotyped as not listening to their significant others or their kids.  The questions is, are you one of them that has been busted for doing this?

Listening to people is actually a skill believe it or not.  Just because we hear people talking does not mean that we are actually listening.  How many times have you asked "what" after someone said something to you?  Or how many times have you actually forgot what someone just said to you?  Again we are all guilty of not hearing everything someone has said to us, because we were not actually listening.  I know that I am guilty, but I can tell you that it was not on purpose.

That brings us to a whole new topic.  Ignoring what people are saying to us. What many like to call it "Selective Hearing".  Some times this is justified depending on the situation you are in.  But it really is not justified if you are trying to tune out your significant other.  They are your partner and you really need to listen to what they are saying good or bad.  It's obvious that they have something they are needing to say or they would not be saying it.  Yes, even if you are in an argument.  They need to be heard.  Communication is the key to every relationship, no matter how that communication is coming it is saying something.

Maybe if we were better listeners we would not be in as many arguments as we are.  Women like to communicate, we just need to actually listen to them, rather than just hear them when they talk.  We need to be able to clearly understand what they are saying, Think about it, then respond correctly.  Many of us do not do this and this is what causes issues within our conversations.  Listening is really important.  I mean really listening.  What is she saying, and do we understand?  If you actually listen, you will most likely know what she is saying and then respond appropriately.  This will make her happy.  If you don't, then she will yell at you and hit you for not listening.  Then you have started an argument.  Listening is apart of respect.  What they have to say is important, just as important as what you have to say.  

When you actually listen, you will hear a lot more that you can imagine.  I am not just referring to what she is saying as she is yelling at you, but other times as well.  There are those intimate times when you are alone.  Maybe she is confiding in you, or she is going through a rough patch.  You have moments with her when she is vulnerable and wants something from you.  You really need to pay attention and listen, or lose out.  Listen to see what she wants.  Listen to see what she doesn't want.  Get to know her more by listening.  The little things are as great as the big things.

You will win her heart if you truly listen.

Help Her!

It is well known that women have a lot on their mind all the time.  It is also known that women carry the weight of their family on their shoulders.  We cannot forget that they at times carry the literal weight of their family on their shoulders with all the work they have to put into their families.  So why is all this weight on their shoulders?  Why do they have so much on their minds?

The facts are, many women are having to carry these loads because they have to.  It's not right but they are.  Why?  Some are single moms, Some have full time jobs, some are stay at home moms, some both work full time and go to school full or part time, and many do not have a partner that is helping ease their load.

Women need a partner to help them ease their loads.  It was not designed that women were to take on all the burdens of their families.  It was designed the they were to be a partner that shared the load 50 / 50.  Men need to help do their part!  There are many needs within a family no matter the structure.  Although some structures do require more work and attention than others.  But never less, the load needs to be shared that both parties do not get burned out.

There are many parts of a home and a relationship that is needing to be addressed by both parties.  Here are some of those parts.  Cleaning the home.  Doing yard work.  Raising children - which includes,(feeding, bathing, changing diapers, doing laundry, school work, sports, dance, theater, band, doctors appointments etc).  Cooking food.  Taking care of pets.  Spending Quality Time with your significant other.  Spending Quality Time with the children.  Running errands. Going to appointments. Sewing, Ironing, and whatever else you can think of that has to be done to run a household.

Men are not exempt from doing any of these.  It was not predetermined that women were subject to bare these burdens alone!  We're all adults that should have learned how to be responsible with life skills.  If not, I blame both you and your parents for not making the effort. We have to give an effort to help make our relationships meaningful and have value for one another for the long haul, or one of you is going to give up.

Men, take a moment and find some areas in your home / relationship where you can help lighten the load.  If you do this I promise that you will have a happier relationship and that your significant other will become happier!  When she becomes happier, you to will be happier in how your relationship is working out.

Dating - The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

At one point in our lives we have all been on a date that went great!  We have also been on dates where we wished that we did not go on it.  Then there are those that no matter how hard we try we can never get them out of out head because it was just so horrifyingly bad!  You know the one that I am talking about!

The question is now, how are your dates going now that you have been in a relationship for some time?   For those of you that have been married for multiple years, does dating even exist?  Dating can be a tricky thing for those that have been in a relationship for a long time.  Things change that cause us to fall out of the habit of going out.  Either we become to comfortable, or lazy, maybe the luster is no longer there.  Either way we stop dating the one that we love and we lose a little bit of the romance that comes from that part of the relationship.

The Good part about dating is what it brings to your relationship.  There is so much that happens when you take your partner out for some alone time.  One you are rekindling the magic in your relationship.  There is just something about dressing up and going out one on one that you don't get in any other setting.  Especially for those that have kids!  That in itself is a reward!  Dating gives you an opportunity to see the person that you feel in love with.  It reminds us of why we loved spending time together to begin with.  Most relationships start with a date and we kindle the flames into a full burning relationship.  So why not stoke the flames every now and then.  Dating gives you the opportunity to communicate.  Communicating is an critical part of any relationship and you need to do more of it outside of deciding what to eat or who's turn it is to take care of a kid.  We have so much more to talk about with one another, and this is a great time to do it.  Dating allows you to spend quality time together.  Sitting on the couch, or laying in bed next to one another does not count.  You need to do something that allows to interact outside of the daily mundane habits.  Dating will uplift you and fill your soul with joy and love for one another, and help you to create new moments and memories that will keep the fire burning within.

The Bad part of dating is that you may not enjoy it like you once did.  Why?  The excitement of dating a new person is always the driving force behind dating.  The butterflies in your stomach the nervousness you feel, along with the sweaty palms.  It's all apart of the experience.  Now that you have been together for awhile, most if not all of those feelings are gone.  You may also not date the same as you once did.  What I am referring to is, the kind of dates that you are actually going on.  The worst date anyone can go on is dinner and a movie.  The reason for this, is because for half the date you are not even interacting with the other person, which is the whole point of going on a date.  Now do that after being together for awhile and it defeats the purpose of going on a date, unless you are just trying to get away from the kids.  But if you are going to do dinner and a movie it would be the same as if you did Netflix and Chill at home.  You get nothing out of it.  You need to make it fun and adventurous as you once did when everything was exciting a new.  Find fun things to go do as a couple or you will get in a rut of doing the same boring thing and then just stop dating.

The Ugly part of dating is the part that we all need to avoid.  Dating is meant to be a fun and happy time that creates new fond memories of one another.  It's a time that we can relax and not worry or stress about things in our everyday lives.  Dating for long term relationships get ugly when they go from being fun to outright awful.  How many of you have seen or known someone that has ever gotten into a fight while on a date?  Once this happens everything that you were trying to accomplish is ruined.  You should never put yourself in a place during your date that it should end in a fight.  Even before you go on your date, if one of you is not in the right frame of mind you might want to reschedule the date.  Once you have a fight on a date, it  taints the experience and you may never go on another one again.  People do not want to go out just to fight.  These are truly the ugly parts of a bad date.

Dating is a great way for you to rekindle the magic with the one you love.  It's a great way to have quality time together.  Creating memories is always a bonus.  Make it fun, find new adventures to go on with one another.  Do something outside of your comfort zone.  Don't do the same things every time you go out.  If you have to down load the "Decide Now" App and allow it to pick your dinner and your activity to keep it interesting then do it!  There are so many things you can do to have fun and make memories.  Think about taking turns planning the date night.  It gets hard when only one person it always trying to think of new things.  This way, the ideas are always different.  

Remember, have fun, communicate, create memories, and most of all, love the time that you have together!

She Wants to Know That She Matters To You!

We are all guilty of focusing on ourselves more than we do others.  Although there is an exception, and that is if you are a mom.  In that case you don't seem to have a choice other than focus on your kids and not yourself.  They tend to demand your time and attention.  But I digress because that's a whole other topic of discussion.  

Human nature is that we focus on our personal needs due to the act of survival.  With that being said, our acts of survival now are not the same as they once were, at least for those of us living in a 1st world country.  We have many luxuries or conveniences that help us provide for ourselves a lot easier, hence survival is no longer viewed the same way.

So why are we so self consumed?  Why are we not more attentive to others and their needs?  Especially if we are speaking of those that we love.  I touched on this briefly in my book.  It's the concept that we tend to treat those that are not members of our family better than those that are members of our family.  The question is why?  We supposedly love those that are apart of our family yet, we don't show or express it the same as we would to a non family member.  I know that there is that element that we are taught to be kind and friendly to other people and to show respect to our elders.  But why not extend that to our own family members?

Society and technology have changed dramatically over the past two decades.  We are becoming more self absorbed within our own little world and pushing people away rather than drawing them in.  As a species, we need interaction with other people to grow, feel acceptance and be happy.  Personal interaction will always be better than virtual when it comes to meeting our needs physically, emotionally and psychologically. 

Personal interaction with others is a key part of how we feel love, acceptance, validation and happiness.  Without it we become withdrawn and introverted.  This creates a harmful cycle of depression, and loneliness that then leads to feeling unwanted.  Darkness grows and you start to give up if you are not able to get back into the light and start feeling the warmth which it brings. Through that love and happiness you feel what personal attention can give you.

The personal relationship that we need to cultivate the most is the one with our significant others.  We should not be placing anything else above the one that we are suppose to love the most.  The only thing that is suppose to have a higher place than your spouse is God!  So why is it that we find ways to place other things in our lives before our spouse?  Men are guiltier than women are in doing this.  They will place Work, School, Friends, Co-workers and other activities in front of their wives.  Many time they will justify that they have to do it to provide for them and their families, or that that they need some personal time to do whatever.  The problem is they are creating a larger problem by doing this.

Women were created to be a companion to men.  They are to be our partners, our equals through out life and the eternities.  We find women that we want to open up to, spent time with and even build a family with.  So why do men turn their backs on them?  I don't have the answers to why they do this, but I can tell you what they need to start doing.

Women want to be apart of a mans life.  If not they would never agree to marry you.  Women want to feel loved, confided in, and apart of your world.  They want to know that you want them apart of your world too.  It makes no sense to bring her into your world just to push her away later.  Bring her in and keep her there.  Share the good times and the bad times of your day with her.  Send her a text or note during the day letting her know that you are thinking about her.  Invite her to lunch when you can.  If she likes going to a sporting events take her.  If she likes doing things outdoors then take her.  Whatever you can include your wife in on do it!  Maybe you will have to introduce her to new things that you can do together.  But find ways to be together, and not push her away.

Your wife wants to know that she matters to you and that she is apart of your world no matter what it is you are going through.  Allow her to be apart of your world, because you may just need her in it more than you think!  Don't blow her off to go golfing, fishing, or to a ball game because you feel that she is not interested.  It is ok to go do these things, but you just need to communicate with her so that you are on the same page.  She might want to join you.

You wife loves you, make her a greater part of your life and you both with be happy and have a better relationship in the long run.  She is apart of you, let her know that she matters to you!